It’s fascinating—and often troubling—how much unnecessary suffering we create within the confines of our own minds. Let me take you through a few relatable scenarios.

Imagine this: you’re scrolling through your social media feed and come across someone you’ve been keeping an eye on, only to notice that their profile photo is missing. Without a moment’s pause, your mind jumps to conclusions—”They’ve blocked me!” or “They’re avoiding me!” You feel hurt, confused, or even betrayed. But have you ever paused to consider other possibilities? Perhaps they’ve just changed their phone, and their contacts haven’t synced yet. Yet, the reality doesn’t seem to matter because the story you’ve told yourself has already taken root.

Here’s another situation. You message someone you deeply care about. Their reply feels off, lacking the usual warmth or attention you’re used to. Instantly, you assume the worst: “They’ve lost interest,” or “They’re avoiding me.” Hours later, you discover they had an eye exam, and their vision was blurred because of the medication they received. They couldn’t read or respond properly, and their lack of attention had nothing to do with their feelings toward you. The suffering you felt in your head—so vivid and real—vanishes the moment you learn the truth. Instead, you’re left with guilt or even empathy.

These everyday scenarios reveal a troubling pattern. When it comes to others, our minds often default to assuming mistakes or malicious intent on their part. Yet, when we’re the ones acting “off,” we’re quick to justify ourselves—“It’s not what it seems, there’s a reason for this!”

This double standard is particularly damaging in relationships. We let our assumptions and insecurities dictate how we perceive situations, and we rarely pause to think about alternative possibilities. How many relationships have been strained or even broken because of conclusions drawn from incomplete information?

What if, instead of assuming the worst, we practiced thinking in bets? This concept, borrowed from decision-making frameworks, encourages us to evaluate the situation as though it’s not fixed or absolute. Instead of “They’re ignoring me,” you could think, “There’s a 30% chance they’re preoccupied, a 40% chance they’re unwell, and only a 30% chance they’re intentionally ignoring me.” This mindset leaves room for curiosity and understanding, reducing the emotional toll of worst-case assumptions.

In moments of uncertainty, we must remind ourselves to pause and consider all possibilities. Not everything is as it seems, and not every action is a reflection of how someone feels about us. Sometimes, people are simply navigating their own challenges—ones we may know nothing about.

The next time your mind spirals into overthinking, ask yourself: What are the other possibilities here? You might save yourself—and your relationships—a great deal of unnecessary suffering.

• Ranjitha Raj