No parent wants to hear that her child is a bully. It’s painful to think of your child inflicting harm on other kids. But bullying is also a serious issue for the aggressor.

If your child is said to be engaging in bullying behaviors – whether physical or verbal, it might be a sign of serious distress. He might be experiencing anxiety or depression, and have difficulty regulating his emotions and behavior.

It’s important to take steps to end the negative behavior before it has serious and long-term consequences for your child.

Kids who bully others

• Have a higher risk of abusing alcohol and drugs.
• Are more likely to get into fights, vandalize property, and drop out of school.
• Are twice as likely as their peers to have criminal convictions as adults and four times more likely to be multiple offenders.
• Are more likely as adults to be abusive toward their romantic partners, spouses, or children.

Why do kids bully?

It’s important to keep in mind that kids don’t bully because they are “bad kids.” Even the most well-mannered kids can engage in bullying.

Few reasons for Bullying could be

• Peer pressure or a sense of entitlement.
• The child wants to fit in with a group of friends who are picking on one classmate.
• Child is getting bullied at home or at school, and is trying to regain a sense of power by acting aggressively toward others.
• Child is looking for attention from teachers, parents, or classmates, and hasn’t been successful getting it other ways.
• Child does not fully grasp how his/her behavior is making the victim feel. This is particularly true of younger kids.
• Child might be experiencing anxiety or depression, and have difficulty regulating his emotions and behavior.

Tips to address your child’s bullying behavior

• Communication is key. Talk to your child to find out why he or she is bullying. Often, children bully when they feel sad, angry, lonely, or insecure and many times major changes at home or school may bring on these feelings.
• Teach empathy at home.
• Talk to your child about how it feels to be bullied.
• Ask a teacher or a school counselor if your child is facing any problems at school, such as if your child is struggling with a particular subject or has difficulty making friends. Ask them for advice on how you and your child can work through the problem.
• Ask yourself if someone at home is bullying your child. Often, kids who bully are mistreated themselves by a parent, family member, or another adult.
• Explain that bullying in any form causes pain to others. Let them know that name-calling, teasing, hitting, pushing, starting or spreading rumors, cyberbullying and all other forms of bullying are wrong, and not acceptable behavior.
• Let your child know that you will help them to change the behavior and correct the situation. Ask them how they think the bullying could stop. What do they think has to change in order for them to change?
• After you have thoroughly discussed this with your child, meet with their teacher. Listen to the teacher’s perspective without being judgmental.
• Let the teacher know that you are willing to work with the school to help stop your child from bullying. It’s important to tell the teacher if there are any family problems that you might be experiencing.
• Teach Your Child New Skills – Pay attention to the details of your child’s bullying behavior. Are there skills your child is lacking that may prevent future bullying incidents like anger management and impulse control? Or, is your child bullying to fit in or to get attention? If so, this could be a self-esteem issue. Help your child see their value and worth outside of what peers have to say. And if bullying is related to cliques, help your child learn to identify and develop healthy friendships.
• Avoid Shaming Your Child – More recently, parents have started shaming their kids as a way of disciplining them. For instance, they make their child wear a sign and stand on a street corner. Shaming is a form of bullying and should not be used to discipline.
• Concentrate on Instilling Empathy – raising your child’s emotional intelligence and instilling empathy goes a long way in preventing bullying.
• Manage stress. Teach your child positive ways to manage stress. Your child’s bullying may be an attempt at relieving stress. Or your own stress, anxiety, or worry may be creating an unstable home environment. Exercising, spending time in nature, or playing with a pet are great ways for both kids and adults to let off steam and relieve tension.
• Set limits with technology. Let your child know that you’ll be monitoring their use of computers, tablets, smartphones, email, and text messaging. If necessary, remove access to technology until behavior improves.

Additional counseling may be needed for your child. It will help them learn to behave differently, accept responsibility for their actions and teach them how to develop guilt, as well as learn how to form cohesive relationships.

Through behavior modification and cognitive behavior therapy and any other circumstances that may be affecting their child’s behavior, only then can one work towards raising a kinder and more empathetic child.

It is imperative to teach your child to:

• Improve communication with others
• Teach kids how to cope with fears
• How to confront and challenge destructive thoughts
• Improve self-esteem
• Identify positive coping mechanisms
• Change negative thoughts

Additionally, empathy must be taught at home and at school. If a child is not empathetic how can we possibly expect them to care about others and their feelings? Schools should partner in teaching empathy to all students as well.